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“I want you to embark on the truth of loving yourself because when you love yourself and when you appreciate yourself, you will make healthy changes in your life for healthy reasons.” ― Steve Maraboli
Have You Forgotten to Love Yourself Too?
We pride ourselves on treating others well, and read articles and books on increasing our capacity for empathy, love, compassion and respect, in our attempt to respond to others on a higher plain. We practice forgiveness and love, and take the time to be patient and understanding to the feelings and pain of others. However, we often forget to include the most important person who needs our love most of all, ourselves. Are you treating yourself with empathy and compassion too? Are you being patient and understanding with yourself? Why does everyone else get your kindness and love, and you forget about giving it too yourself? Why not start giving yourself the love and compassion that you freely and so generously give to everyone else? Why do you have to miss out on the awesome love you give everyone else? If we are not giving ourselves the love and compassion we give to everyone else, we will eventually have none to give away anyway. We can not give what we do not have ourselves. If we are not loving ourselves, is the love we are giving others "real love"? Or is it a love based on fear or obligation, rather than love? When we are low on self love, we seek to fulfil the need and emptiness we are feeling from others. So we give in order to receive, rather than give for the sake of giving. Our agenda changes, causing a vicious cycle of need, that eventually becomes unable to satisfy. When we operate from a place of fear rather than love, it sought of looks the same as love, it sort of sounds the same as love, but there are some obvious differences when you take time to really look, and yet it has nothing to do with love at all. Are you questioning whether you are enough? Are you worried about being accepted? Are you giving freely without counting the costs to you, and are you giving beyond what you are really capable of giving..Is giving love draining you? Are you feeling a little resentful if the love you give to others is not accepted? |
Why does everyone else get your kindness and love, and you forget about giving it too yourself? Are you feeling a little resentful if the love you give to others is not accepted? |
Loving
Yourself First
No one would question, that treating others well is considered the proper and right thing to do. Love, respect, empathy and compassion are the acceptable norms for the way most of society believe we should treat others, and are appalled at those who deviate from this. Most of us are so careful about the way we treat others, so much so, that we read widely to learn better ways in which we can be more caring and compassionate. There are a large variety of books that explain how we can be more empathic, how to listen more effectively, while ensuring others feel validated and valued. These techniques are beneficial not only in business and customer service situations, but bring positive changes and benefits to our personal relationships. In our fast paced world that too often marginalises the feelings of others, where respect, compassion and basic manners seem destined to be a thing of the past if we are not careful, no one would question that learning how to better implement empathy and kindness into our daily lives, to be a waste of anyone's time. Why is self-love so important? Part of practicing love, empathy and compassion, includes giving that same gift of love, empathy and compassion to ourselves. This is a vital part of the process, as without “restocking the original resource” we will soon run out of love to give away to others. When we give to others without investing love back towards ourselves, the love we give away becomes drained of energy and lacks authenticity. We can become resentful towards others who seem to not appreciate or understand the love we give them, and the sacrifices and costs to us involved. When we are drained of pure and unselfish love, we become unable to give with a generous heart without counting the costs to us, often leaving us feeling taken for granted and used. The reason we show love to others changes, as it becomes more about our own needs, and less about those who we were endeavouring to love in the first place. Resentment and feelings of being misunderstood start to overwhelm us, a sure indication we are low on "self-love". Most people forget about loving themselves, thinking it is selfish and self-indulgent, and soon wonder why they are empty and drained. We are constantly told be compassionate and to show more empathy towards others, yet seldom do we hear about showing this same compassion and empathy towards our selves. It’s usually not until much later in life we find out just how important loving yourself really is. This can be a hard lesson to learn and generally starts after we have found ourselves in a crisis situation, where we have done too much giving outwards, and not enough giving inwards. Crisis situations often involve, health issues, stokes or heart attacks, relationship or marriage breakdowns, financial hardships, or even death in the family. While not all linked directly to our lack of love towards ourselves, when in a crisis, we can discover just how low on the scale of priorities we have placed loving ourselves has fallen, and yet how vital it actually is. It’s not until we are faced with the realisation we are "spent and running on empty" that we take the time to reassess our lives, to see where the balance has been tipped too far in the one direction. We were so busy "giving love to others" and doing for others, we forgot to give back to the most important person of all, ourselves. When the balance of love is all flowing on one direction, eventually there will be a heavy price to pay. We can’t give away what we don’t have. When we are low on self love, or have exhausted our supply after giving it all away to others, we become unable to give any more. The simple diagram below explains how love works. The more love we give ourselves, the more love we are able to give away. It's simple and so very true. |
Resentment and feelings of being misunderstood and unappreciated start to overwhelm us, a sure indication we are low on "self love". When the balance of love is all flowing on one direction, eventually there will be a heavy price to pay. Self love and care is vital for a healthy mind, body and soul. It is essential for restoring balance in our lives. |
So how do we love ourselves?
Making time for self-love and care is vital for a healthy mind, body and soul. It is essential for restoring balance back into our lives. We are so often pulled in all directions on a daily basis, meeting the needs of others, from family commitments to work place obligations.
Over the course of any day, we can be subjected to an endless series of time restraints, deadlines, lists of things to do and places to be. Our busy schedules often mean, any time needed for ourselves is done "on the run", like eating, between one activity and another. No wonder we feel drained and empty at the end of the day, as our day has largely consisted of doing and giving to others, with virtually no time invested in ourselves. While we might be able to get away with doing this for a short time, long term, it can have a significant negative effect, impacting not only ourselves, but those in our lives we are running around for.
Making time for self-love and care is vital for a healthy mind, body and soul. It is essential for restoring balance back into our lives. We are so often pulled in all directions on a daily basis, meeting the needs of others, from family commitments to work place obligations.
Over the course of any day, we can be subjected to an endless series of time restraints, deadlines, lists of things to do and places to be. Our busy schedules often mean, any time needed for ourselves is done "on the run", like eating, between one activity and another. No wonder we feel drained and empty at the end of the day, as our day has largely consisted of doing and giving to others, with virtually no time invested in ourselves. While we might be able to get away with doing this for a short time, long term, it can have a significant negative effect, impacting not only ourselves, but those in our lives we are running around for.
Time for Self-love; What can we do?
Everyone has different ways to self-love, because we all enjoy different activities and have different needs. Some people prefer a quiet time on their own for taking care of themselves, while others prefer something a little more energetic. Usually a combination of the two is what most people use, varying between one and the other when required.
We all need some quiet time during our busy week, alone or with a good friend. Time spent reading a good book, or out to coffee to chat with someone we care about. A weekend away, or even a day, can refresh and revitalise us, as much as a long holiday could when really needed. Small things as an early night to bed is a great way to self care, so as we are sleeping enough to keep our minds and body healthy. Eating well balanced and nutritious meals is another good way to self love, we are taking care of our bodies needs, an essential ingredient for a healthy mind.
Basically the most important part of self love, is spending your time on yourself, doing whatever you desire for you. This time is designed to add to you, not deplete you, so it is vital this time is spent giving back to you. After giving time and energy to others, unless we restock ourselves via self love, we will eventually run out of love to give away.
Time spent regularly taking care and loving ourselves, allows us a greater capacity to love others.
Everyone has different ways to self-love, because we all enjoy different activities and have different needs. Some people prefer a quiet time on their own for taking care of themselves, while others prefer something a little more energetic. Usually a combination of the two is what most people use, varying between one and the other when required.
We all need some quiet time during our busy week, alone or with a good friend. Time spent reading a good book, or out to coffee to chat with someone we care about. A weekend away, or even a day, can refresh and revitalise us, as much as a long holiday could when really needed. Small things as an early night to bed is a great way to self care, so as we are sleeping enough to keep our minds and body healthy. Eating well balanced and nutritious meals is another good way to self love, we are taking care of our bodies needs, an essential ingredient for a healthy mind.
Basically the most important part of self love, is spending your time on yourself, doing whatever you desire for you. This time is designed to add to you, not deplete you, so it is vital this time is spent giving back to you. After giving time and energy to others, unless we restock ourselves via self love, we will eventually run out of love to give away.
Time spent regularly taking care and loving ourselves, allows us a greater capacity to love others.
If we accept the love we believe we deserve...then if we are not loving ourselves, is this an indication we believe we don't deserve it?
Do you believe you are worth the love you can give yourself?
Do you believe you are worth the love you can give yourself?
Stand up for yourself.
Would you allow someone to hurt a friend while you stood idly by and did nothing? Then way do you allow others to treat you with badly and do nothing? Its the same thing... Never allow anyone to be condescending to you without standing up for yourself...even if it means you have to go out of your comfort zone to do it... When we allow others to treat us with disrespect, we are effectively teaching them its OK to treat me us that way... When we allow others to treat us badly, it erodes our self-worth, until one day, we are unable to stand up for ourselves, and become a doormat for others to wipe their feet on...this is not good for us, and it is not good for others to believe they can treat others badly either... Love yourself enough to stand up your yourself, as you would do for a friend... you are worth your love too... Do you love yourself enough?
Do you allow others to treat you with disrespect? Part of loving yourself, is self care, where we take the necessary steps to not just replenish spent energy, but be mindful about the company we keep and the interactions we have. If someone is condescending or hurtful too you, what do you do? Do you pretend it doesn't matter and didn't hurt you, or do you take appropriate steps to ensure your feelings are heard? Do you matter enough to yourself to speak up for yourself? |
If we accept the love we believe we deserve... then if we are not loving ourselves, is this an indication we believe we don't deserve it? When we allow others to treat us badly, it erodes our self-worth, until one day, we are unable to stand up for ourselves, and become a doormat for others to wipe their feet on. Part of loving yourself, is self care, where we take the necessary steps to be mindful about the company we keep and the interactions we have. |
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All articles are the original works of Leah Andrea, and as such, all ownership and rights belong to author.
Using or copying in part or in whole is strictly prohibited unless prior permission is granted in writing by the author.
Contact Leah on [email protected]
All articles are the original works of Leah Andrea, and as such, all ownership and rights belong to author.
Using or copying in part or in whole is strictly prohibited unless prior permission is granted in writing by the author.
Contact Leah on [email protected]